another stupid day of my boring life...

well, today was yet another day that i skip HMO class and Accounts class...i don understand why but when i am in that class it makes me feel like i am a total idiot...it seems like everyone knows alot and knows what the lecturer is talking about but not me...i am just a useless student...mayb that is what makes me wanna skip those classes...besides that, i don feel that i belong to Hotel course...although i am more interested in Food Service but what are the use??? i am stil gonna go for account class...mayb i am just blind...i wonder if am i going to pass my diploma program...i didnt tell anyone this problem cuz it makes me look like a total idiot...a stupid idiot....i often get angry of myself...why am i so stupid??? why did i choose the stupid course??? why why why??? besides that, when i skip classes, i feel very guilty, very useless and very foolish....but i just cant stand the fact that i cant stand in the class....i need to get out from that class...sounds stupid right??? anyone of u who read this blog sure think so i bet ya....everyday, i struggle to understand what the lecturers teach but i cant...cuz, whenever i wanna revise back what they teach, my mind is empty...hollow...nothing is inside...i wasting my parents money n time sending me to study...i am going to make their investment towards me a failure and a loss.....loss of time, loss of energy and most important, loss of money....its not easy to face with all these facts....i really don want my parents to waste their money but what can i do???i rather just go n die...seriously, i thought of dying...but if i die, this will add insult to injury to my parents...not only they will blame me for all the wastage of money, but i don think they ever wants to acknowledge me as their son...all these thoughts are running through my mind each n every single day...it makes me so scared that i don dare to even face my parents when i am talking to them about my college life...its a totally stupid thing....i am just another useless garbage that is wasting everyone's effort...nonetheless, who i am to the world??? its not that i am a VIP or something??? mayb, i should run away from my life....disappear so that no one knows how worst i am...yeah it may worry my parents, but i guess after some time, it will be nothing serious right??? i dunno...i feel so stupid now...can anyone pls help me by posting some advice in the comment box??? i really need to noe...thanks...thats all for now i guess....tAtA